Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
