how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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