I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
