his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
