Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
