I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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