Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
