i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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