problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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