I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
