Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
