please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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