my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
