You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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