he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
