I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He better not be in your backpack
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
