So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
