My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
