do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
