the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
