I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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