Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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