New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
