Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize