I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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