I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We have started to decorate penises.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
