Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The ass gains better be worth it
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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