hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
