If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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