I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
