8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
