Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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