sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
