you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
