new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
