o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
