I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
