I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
