Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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