I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
