I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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