You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
