Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Define "chronic" masturbator.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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