Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
