she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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