Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
