Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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