Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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