i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
