tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
