Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
