my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
