I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
