I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
