Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
