Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
