you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
