shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she peed on how many people?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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