So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
