i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
