I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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