Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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