Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sarcasm needs its own font
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
