when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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