Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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