can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
