Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
