I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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