normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
