How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize