Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize