one might say we're banned from that church
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
