I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
