Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
