Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
