I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize