shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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